In 2010, our class produced a special edition of a refereed journal. If you are in the academe, and also in my case as a REPS in the university, it is a big deal.
You see, I don't really think about it so much, thinking I will be practicing in a different industry anyway. I have been very honest to myself and to all the friends that I made that I pursued Graduate School out of a whim and to cure my quarter-life crisis. I even remember telling my friend Faye, that I would just stay one semester and go back in the game (and by game I meant career in the city). I guess I was wrong because I am now in my 5th semester and working in the university.
Anyway, the thought of getting published excites me, thinking, wow I must be really lucky that my class is sponsoring it when I heard (back in 2010) that people had to submit to Call for Papers announcement, hoping to get in. But this opportunity to get published is (I thought) within my reach. But then, to make the story short, my so-called article was whipped into rejection. Even though it wasn't really much of a big deal to me back then, it did sting.
My friend, whose paper got in on a first try, (and got her travelling almost effortlessly to Hawaii for a presentation of the paper) explained to me that certain publications have certain themes, like apart from the fact that a research may probably not be good enough, maybe it also just happen that my paper did not match the theme that the journal is going for. I did not really understand the full grasp of it, until three years later when the actual journal came out, I finally understood that maybe it's not just me, it's the journal and well, yeah a little bit of me because the paper that I wrote don't really go well with the theme. And also with all honesty, my writing back then is not good enough for journal standards. Come on, I don't even have any idea about the big deal behind the words "publication" "refereed" "journal" "article" and "paper presentation". My heart in writing was not really in it, so actually, I should not be surprised that I didn't get in. The paper felt like "blah". It is only been a couple of years later that I understood and decided that I want to write, I want to learn how to do technical writing and eventually be good at it and write a qualitative research paper properly. I still have a lot to learn so I don't mind getting my articles heavily edited. In fact, I am actually grateful that someone did take the time to read it and point out what would've been better.
It is always the first rejection that cuts the deepest, but after that, it becomes bearable. My friend and I were talking over coffee over a week ago that it is better to try than not being able to try at all. I got rejected on a first try, but I learned a lot from that rejection.
And also, maybe this also comes with age and maturity, that more than a year ago, I managed to stop beating myself up when things did not go as what I wished it to be. There will always be someone better than me/us, and at the end of the day, it's not really your classmate, your friend, or your colleague that you are up against with. It is with our own self.
So, to my friends who made it in this special edition journal, congratulations! :)
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