Que Sera Sera

Since it's April Fools I guess these thoughts are acceptable for today.

I don't know about you, but have you been asked that one question that you know the answer but you just can't say it out loud and even in your thoughts because 1) it will haunt you forever and 2) because it might come true?

Well, for the past few weeks I had that question nagging up my ass, and I did my best to distract my self by writing my assignments as well as my thesis.

And no, you don't dare God to give you a sign, when he knows what's in your heart. Because, I did, I asked for that sign, and not only did he give me the sign, he actually showed it to me. Almost every single day.

And when I tried to shack my self up, it's the first thing that I see the first time I get out.

Freakin scary.

And of course, the typical me had the list, written in my mind, and I keep thinking that it's crazy, but if it was really meant to be is this why it's been hanging on that loop for so long? And then I go imagine things like the news, the feedback, the teasing, the comments, that endless whatevers, and then I realized, will everything be worth it?

And sometimes, I'd like to kick my self for thinking, that I may be just the only one thinking about this, because I have this vision and blah, blah, blah and the universe has been just really good to me and that I just have to wait though I really hate waiting and blah, blah, blah. I can't deal with all the blahs anymore.

Then I just decide, at the end of the day, to pull a hiatus.
And just quit thinking.
And just focus on something else.

I was trying to get my writing mojo back on when something on pinterest caught my eye and summed up all these nagging thoughts that I do not dare to write.

I don't know if I make sense today, but maybe that's the reason why I chose this day to write about it, out of all the days.

Happy April Fool's day.