Project: Walk-in closets for small spaces

My Interior Designer sister  I have a big project coming up. I will have to convert a teeny tiny space for my whim walk-in closet. 

I don't actually have the exact measurements, but definitely there would be tearing down some wall to make way for my little walk-in. Thank God for internet and Google that I was able to find some of my pegs:

But if it can't be done, this will do:

I don't have that much heels anymore but I'm going to need one for my flats, flip flops, rubber shoes etc.

I really love the one with folding doors. I don't know why this is so appealing to me. I just need to change the color though. I want something to match my white book shelves.

I like this one, except for the fur carpet. This is the most do-able of all, but this is only for shoes. My friend JLa have this in her room. She takes photos of her shoes and put it in box so that she doesn't have to keep on opening the box to find the shoes she is looking for. I also read about a local celebrity doing the same thing.

Anyway, as I've said. These are pegs. I'm imagining good things so I can bring them to life. :)

Bedrooms with White Shelves

In an attempt to move on (though this is a way too early announcement), I will be moving to a new space... like 5 steps from my old space and into a new one (read: new room). Our house needs repairs (really!) and after much discussion about our house dream renovation, I get to move to my parents old room!

This time, I get to decide as an adult on what I want my room to look like and to keep myself inspired and focused on this dream project, here are my room pegs:

(Photos are not mine but pinned and re-pinned from Pinterest)

I've always been in love with white shelves and queen size beds, so hello Universe! #youknowthedrill

When we feel like we're doing all the work

I've been having some "grown up" thoughts lately and the change of scenery and location ( I moved from South to North just to recharge) did not seem to do the trick. I've been taking things at face value, taking leaps blind folded, making choices, learning to trust fate and have faith, and have gotten immune from the hot water from time to time. 

This comic strip just strike home.

I saw this today shared around and I find this very comforting. I hope to share this to anyone who feels that we're on the same boat.

Someday I want to meet Ketut Liyer

Someday, I want to meet Ketut Liyer. I want my own magic drawing from him like what he gave Liz Gilbert as mentioned in the book "Eat Pray Love".

As explained in the movie and book, eyes were made to be at the location where the heart is so Liz can see through her heart; and the figure had four legs instead of two to keep her grounded.

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Rainspiration

My art skills are a little rusty, because I've spent too much time writing/blogging than actually drawing and painting. I used to go to an Art School when I was younger and the best output that I've put out so far was an exhibit as part of my Art School Graduation. Still I'd like to doodle from time to time. 

Being an Artist runs in the family because my dad is a photographer and my sister is a licensed freelance interior designer/ full-time Industrial Designer/ part-time wedding and events florist. She gets to do most drawings majority of her time (mostly on Autocad though) while, I on the other hand... where here goes my fingers... typing on my laptop and as if it isn't obvious yet, blogging.

But if only I am in the mood to doodle and sketch... my drawings (I used to be really fascinated with islands) would be something in line with the influence of rain... and underneath an umbrella...a kiss.

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Experience Self-Dating

My cousin Chimayne gave me strict instructions to take her mum (together with my mom, aunt and uncle) to Ace Water Spa (where we went to) because they'll enjoy it. So yesterday, the day before the Buy One Take One promo ends, I accompanied them to the city to have their urban R&R. Translation: My Time Off on the sides as well! 

So while waiting for them to finish ( Ace Water Spa's Hyrdrotherapy is for 4 hours) I decided to kill time at Edsa Shangri-La Mall and watch... *drum roll please*

Girlz Rock: The Go-Girl Kit with Attitude

Last sunday night, I decided to pay my friend a visit and she surprised me with this gift:

I love how close friends really think of what to give you, you will know that depth of your friendship by the gifts your friends give you. It reflects how much they know you and they can tell if you will like it.

I don't just like it.... I super looooove it!!!

A year in Pixels

Whenever I get a "How are you?" Question, I shamelessly answer that I am "Happy".

Not the self-actualization phase in Maslow's hierarchy of needs, but the more realistic, genuine kind. It has been more than a decade since I get to honestly admit that I am in a perfectly healthy place right now and I am happy most of the time.

The best way to change your life is to quit complaining and start doing something about it.

I did.

And at exactly one year, here's what I've been up to: If only everything is and can be documented in pixels, I would gladly share it to you. Majority of the best moments that I had were physically undocumented.

I was supposed to join my last company outing last year, but I opted to ditch it, announce to my HS friends based in elbi Laguna that I am coming home. I was not expecting a reunion in a resort, but I came home to a great "welcome party" and had a really great time I went home at six in the morning when I barely had enough sleep.

Few days later, we ditched our proper plans on a weekday and decided to go to Majayjay falls. After the trip to Majayjay falls, I had a small talk with a high school friend who's currently taking his Masters in UP. He said why not go back to school?

Days later when I was two minutes before the start of my new account/ job interview, I said to my self, "fuck it, I'm going back to school." So I did, I took the risk to turn 360 degrees of my life, changed my lifestyle, give up my apartment, move in back to my folks and enrolled in UP.

It must be aligned with the Universe because I enrolled and registered late, I got in on a first semester with all my complete documents (for such a short decision) and got admitted as Regular Student Status.

The night before my very first day of school, we had a beer and grill night at Marc's house. No celebration just pure hang out with friends.I feel like a sixteen year old, I did not get drunk but I threw up on my way to the parking lot before going home! Haha!

Since I gave up my job, I have no sources of income other than my allowance. So I took up a different job. I worked as a part-time cake designer and baking assistant for my friend's business. From a talking-kind-of-job to labor-intensive kind of job. I have a whole new respect for fondant bakers who makes their fondant icing from scratch.

By October and since I fancy Halloween so much that I feel like it's my personal holiday, I dragged my friends to join me in this crazy celebration. We made props and stuff and had a really great time partying the night away!

From time to time, my friends from all over the city goes back to elbi to chill.I love it when my HS girlfriends who are now based in Manila takes time to go home to elbi on a weekend to go out, catch up and have a great time just chillin' with the rest of our friends.

I really felt so blessed and did not even had a single trace of Birthday Blues last year. I decided to throw a first-grader themed birthday party (complete with party hats and all, and almost all my treasured friends made it!)

I feel like one of the boys now since I get to be with them more than my City-based girlfriends. I am now able to pick up private jokes without effort and I don't even know how I managed to learn it. I have new nickname from them: "Coke". Dont. Ask. Why. I can hardly count how many spontaneous weekends we have but one weekend, I learned how to play poker.

One of the highlights of the start of this year is that I get to see my cousin, Chimy, who works as an Assistant Manager of Artemis World Cruise. Since she is most of the time on a cruise, her schedule is crazy and she only gets to have a vacation after six months. We're super glad that one of her stop over is in the Philippines that we get to spend an entire day just hanging out and catching up.

Now looking back, it's been a year since I decided to change my life.

I'm very thankful that I get to have more face-to-face time with friends and real people rather than catching up via wall-to-wall in facebook. 

I must admit that it was  hard because I have to change not only my sleeping habit (I was on the night shift for six straight years because I used to work in the Business Process Outsourcing industry) but my lifestyle as well. I have no income plus I have to live with my folks again after being away for ten years, plus I have to voluntarily put myself under parental guidance.

This whole experience for me is very liberating. I feel so blessed and it made me grounded. I would not trade this for anything else. I am really thankful that I feel more alive. I am now living, rather than existing.

Peace and Love,

K

Those who Mothered deserves more than a Tribute

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To those who didn’t care exposing one breast in public just to save an infant from hunger;

To those who walked alone naked in the privacy of their rooms feeling the stretch marks, feeling the trace of the C-section stitch, never mind the keloid and regarding them as battle scar;

To those who patiently waited in the wee hours of the morning monitoring a helpless infant preventing possibility of suffocation;

To those enduring hours of labor enduring the fear of their pelvic bones which they feel are about to crack and break, never mind the possibility of the loss of blood;

To those who made kitchen a mess, just to study a recipe that will be good for the health of the family;

To those who befriended calculators balancing checks and the family budget, just so that they won’t be millionaires today, paupers tomorrow;

To those who held their partner’s hand when they got laid off from their jobs or when their careers are not going as well as they had hoped for;

To those who placed their careers on the backseat in order to take care of their spouse’s or partner’s ego;

To those who took care of men when they were simply boyfriends, who created appealing resumes so that they can start a better future;

To those who willingly picked and matched their boyfriend’s tie and pants and made sure they are wearing decent socks for their first job interview;

To those who endured the feeling of finding traces of lipstick in their husband’s shirt, undeclared receipts, hidden expenses, private pictures and yet to chose to turn a blind eye and cry alone in the bathroom in the middle of the night;

To those who manage to get up in the morning even when their personal life is a mess;

To those who do not have time to look into the mirror, not realizing they’ve gained weight, their shirts smell like barf and their hair is an underestimated description of frizz;

To those who watch their teenagers sleep soundly at night while peeking through their bedroom door;

To those doing the laundry, while waiting for the cookies in the oven;

To those who blow up their kids’ inflatables because daddy’s not around;

To those who drive up fast in the highway, running late due to separation anxiety from their kids, talking to boss on speakerphone while putting on lipstick;

To those who sincerely took care of their paralyzed husbands and mentally ill boyfriends;

To those who held back tears when letting go of their first born in college, making sure they have a decent place to live, leaving emergency numbers to call;

To those who manage to kiss their kids after a long dreadful day at work;

To those who don’t keep secrets from their kids when things are no longer working out like they used to;

To those who simply took charge of their lives and instead of living in fury, have chosen to take the high road;

To those who learned to forgive and let go;

I dedicate this post to you.

An entire day of tribute is not enough to thank each and everyone of you.

Because Mother’s Day should be celebrated by, not only mothers, but those who “Mothered” at one point of their lives. Those who acted and felt like Mothers, and to our own mothers who sacrificed pelvic pains, hours of labor and post-partum depression in order to give birth and deliver us alive today.

I would like to thank my own Mother, for putting up with me, all these years, because if not, the world will be missing one little blogger who wishes and hope to become at least half of what her own mother had become, someday.

Happy Mother's Day Inay! <3

OFF

I sit in the corner office tapping my fingers on the table.

I really do not know what else to write; in fact I don’t seem to have my brain tonight to write with, knowing that you are here.

It’s just like Janet Jackson’s song:

“I heard from a friend today and she said you were in town, suddenly the memories came back to me in my mind…”

My phone’s been ringing for quite some time now. It’s your 25^th call since, let’s say an hour ago.

You just don’t know when to give up do you?

Normally, my drafts would’ve been finished by half past three. I would probably be enjoying a nice cold slushy with a colleague. But today is totally different.

You are here. We are breathing the same air.

You keep asking me in your text messages where am I and attempting to pick me up for coffee.Like last time, we had coffee. Do you remember?

We had a great time over coffee.

Actually the coffee in that shop sucks because it was hardly recognized by my taste buds, but something about sitting right in front you that made it taste so sweet.

Actually there isn’t much to talk about. We didn’t have much to talk about during that time.  I was just enjoying your presence in front of me like how an awkward teenage in love behaves.

My phone. It’s ringing again.

“Dude? Aren’t you going to take that call?” Nathaniel asks me. Nat is in graphics division and currently works during the late hours.

“Sorry Nat.”

“If you want to get rid of the guy, remember there is an off button.”

He’s right. There is an off button.

I can’t always be your welcoming committee. I can’t always be your security blanket; you shock absorber, your so-called best friend.Best friends don’t make their friends cry themselves to sleep.

There goes your 27^th call again. Nat winks at me.

You’ve had enough of my past already and I am in whole new light now, not to mention I now have my own turf. I will not allow you to trespass and get into my system once again. I finally reached for my phone and pressed the red button.

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OFF

Such a small gesture and step but makes a big difference. I will no longer complain about having been treated unfairly. I will no longer have sleepless nights asking why and I will no longer have to deal with your empty promises and will no longer give you permission to get my hopes up.

I realized that half of the painful events are with my permission and I have allowed you to mess with my head.

Not anymore.

Thank YoUniverse

I think it was just around this time of last year. I was talking to a friend who's getting hitched in her early thirties.

"Where were you when you were 26?" I asked.
"I was partying and having the greatest time of my life!" She said.
" I'm 26 and I've never felt so friggin' old."
"I'm past 30 and I've never felt so young..."

They say that if you really want something so bad, you just breathe a sincere prayer to the Universe.

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I remember saying something to the Universe, while groggy inside the cab, on my way home.

"I want to change my life in 2010."

Some might think it's absurd. Say it to the Universe? For real? I am re-reading Eat Pray Love again and Liz Gilbert, the Author of the memoir, was told:

"Where did you get the idea you aren't allowed to petition to the universe with prayer? You are part of this universe, Liz. You are a constituent - you have every entitlement to participate in the actions of the universe, and to let your feelings be known. So put your opinion out there. Make your case. Believe me - it will at least be taken into consideration."

And just about an hour later, the one thing that she sincerely asked (with good intentions) and needed the most was immediately granted.

When I turned 25, I was told that I have to be careful with what I wish for, because I will get it. I've heard and read that line for quite sometime and it's becoming a cliche.

I don't know how many prayer requests I have sent the Universe, but they say when you ask, you will receive. It's just that you will get first what the"Universe" thinks that you most importantly need, even if it doesn't go with your plans. There is someone who knows exactly what you need, better than you do.

And it's Him.

And a couple of months later, my life literally changed.

I'm not really religious, but I am very spiritual. What's the difference? I quote this article:

"People really want to understand the difference between religious and spiritual.Spirituality is something internal.Religion is something external."

Tomorrow might be the start of a whole new adventure for me to go after something that I am passionate about. I'm excited and nervous at the same time. I believe that people we have met (and eventually became friends with) are not just by mere accidents. And as Oprah said:

"Every little thing that's happening to you every single day prepares you for what is in store for you in the future."

I've been through ( or I might still be dealing with) a quarter-life crisis phase but now, but a year after saying that I've never felt so old, now I've never felt so young.

Lord, I'm very, very thankful. I'm very, very grateful. Thank you for never forsaking me, no matter how hard-headed I've been for the past years.


Love,
K

Hey

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Hey,

I know it’s kind of late for me to write this considering things have already been said and done. I know how awkward this is for you and me after all, it’s been a while.

I’d like to thank you for putting things in perspective for both you and me. It was hard to go through it alone for all this time you were just sitting on the bleachers while I get stuck in the middle of this circus.

Things have been looking up, I guess, for both you and me. Everything’s been really fine and I’m happy that I am now in a different place than I was a few years ago.And you’re starting to be really great too. I can see that you've warmed up now, though it took you an entire era to reach that, at least, hey, you’re here now.

And you know I just had a few realizations because the last time was all blurry. You were a perfect gentleman who valued silence. I know I should be more like you, but I just can’t because I am me and there’s no one I’d like to be other than myself.

Remember how you know how I love to keep you in my life on the sidelines? You seldom see the glitter in my eyes but you’re familiar with my infectious laugh. I tend to savor my private happy moments but you know my moments of downfall.

I know it appears that you have the last say, but I’d like to let you know that I have recuperated really well and I am fine now. Not that I don’t need you anymore, but I can now take it from here.

Though I am close to you, I’m really a hundred miles away, so I would really appreciate if you don’t jump on my trampoline of emotions and test the gravity just so you can validate yourself. You can do that, baby, but not to me.

Oh hey, 


By the way, thank you very much for not talking. 

When your Past creates a whole new Future

"Keets, I proposed and now I'm officially engaged! I'm gettin' married!" A text message read.

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It was a weekend and I was out drinking with new friends out of town. I know I'm not tipsy and have read it correctly. An ex-boyfriend is gettin' married.

And I just couldn't contain my happiness for them. He was a really good guy and she's an awesome girl. So I texted him back. Actually I did more than just text, I called him up and congratulated him immediately, non-stop in all my high-pitched voice glory. I remember asking for his fiancé's number so I can personally congratulate her and he did give it to me.

So I did text her. Fiancé  and I know each other from way back but we never really became friends, just mere acquaintances. I texted her and she replied:

"Thank you so much! We look forward seeing you on our wedding day!"

Several weeks later, the ex told me that his fiancé told him that, out of the first bunch of people that they have shared their good news with, I was the only one she genuinely felt to be super happy and excited about them tying the knot.

I remember the night when he told me and I called him up to congratulate him on the spot, I got off the phone and got weird quizzical looks from the people I was with. They probably got weirded out and I was consistently yakking on the phone in my consistent high-pitched voice. They asked me who that was (the one I was on the phone with) and I told them that an ex boyfriend called me up to tell me the good news that he's going to get hitched. I got my second wave of weirded out looks.

I don't really care if I appear to be quite unbelievable, or not, but yes, it is possible to be genuinely happy for someone who's been a part of your life. If you were to ask me why or how, I'm going to give you a straight forward and genuine answer: Acceptance.

Acceptance that you're way much better off as friends. Acceptance that someone can take care of him better than you do, and acceptance that someone better can take care of you better than he did. And sometimes, things just don't work out. It is acceptance and open heart that makes you at peace and in my case, I got really lucky that it is genuinely mutual.

Fast forward to post-wedding: Unfortunately, I was not able to attend the wedding due to conflict in schedule.

Several months later, I ran into him at a certain shop with his wife and exchanged pleasantries. As we bid each other goodbye, I watched them as they walk over to the counter's line while I stood there from a distance still feeling very happy for them and grateful how well everything turned out and how everything fell right into place in our own and in God's perfect time.

The Thank You Movement

Today, I spent the afternoon baby sitting my nephew while they play football in UPLB Freedom Park. This is the day after tsunami hit Japan.I was taking pictures between reading books and listening to yoga music in my iPod when I felt fresh wind brushing on my face.

I had to stop and thank the Lord today that our country has been spared, and at the same time, lifted a prayer for Japan, who just experienced a huge tsunami yesterday, March 11, 2011.

How many of us in our busy lives can actually "stop to smell the flowers?"

I just have to document my actual state earlier because I really felt at peace and I hope who ever will see this will feel the same peace that I felt the moment I took this photo.

This year I have started jotting down at least one good thing that happened each day as a practice to be optimistic  for everyday that I am breathing. This is my attempt to be optimistic since I've been more of a pessimist all my life. Trust me it works! They say if you think about good things, it will come to you.

Instead of wishing to God every night, I started saying thank you to every little thing even if there's nothing really special that happened that day. And since then,  I've been getting more good vibes than bad ones. This is what I call, Thank You Movement. Start your prayers with Thank you and not with a wish, be as specific as possible. I've actually incorporated the behavior with my jotting down nightly in my daily planner of the things that I have accomplished during the day. They said that it takes 21 days to start a new habit, I suggest you make this a new habit too.

And I am sharing this to anyone who might have the chance to read this entry, I hope you take time to find things to be thankful for every single day... and let's pray for Japan and the rest of the world.

What "Shot" Really Meant to those in Grad School

"Shot Tayo!"

I must admit it took me like a few weeks to understand what "Shot" is. Shot, is a term used by Grad Students ( well at least the ones that I am often with ) to invite friends and classmates in Graduate School to go out for a drink. This is while others go out for coffee.

I remember last semester when one of our professors told us that "Shot Sessions" are what made her survive graduate school. They would often have a sort of Thursday group when they have a meeting place at a certain time and that restaurant/bar/coffee shop would already have two buckets of beer waiting for them to start the session. Usually once the alcohol or beers got them talking, all the bright ideas and really good conversations come in, sans inhibitions. Oh well, we all know what alcohol does to us, right?

Anyway, for the past few days I've been in and out of these "Shot sessions" that as I write this entry, I am still trying to recover from the things that I pondered on these past few days.

"Work with the Given"

"This is a world of labels"

"The difference between Chemistry and Compatibility..."

"Pillow Talk"

"Post-Modernism"

"Succeeded at some degree..."

and so on.

I guess these "Shot sessions" are best used by those taking up their Masters and PhD in Social and Communication Sciences. I was able to get an idea for my thesis through what seemed to be harmless conversations and was able to get more inputs from people that I meet and randomly drink with. I think it's a bad idea to be a loner in grad school, because it is very important that you have someone (not just anyone, but someone on the same level / wavelength) to brainstorm with.

"This is not just beer in my glass, these are thoughts waiting to be 'sipped', in order to be expressed" 

Perfectly peeled beer labels up on the window...as an expression

Man Mig Light - if you want to drink Men. Lol.
Random behavior (Altering beer labels) during Shot Sessions

For Consistency purposes (see above picture)

And my biggest weakness: Free WiFi

That's what I look like when there's free wifi

Major challenge for me is to resist free WiFi. (Majority of the establishments that I go to has free WiFi for their customers.) 

I'm excited to share "Shot Sessions" topics [that is worth sharing] soon. I am still trying to recover from my lack of sleep for the past couple of days due to preparation for facilitation and reports.

Happy Sunday friends! Have a good one! :)

Steps to Lose Yourself and Find Dignity in the End

Check the Pre-requisite before performing the tasks:

• Dead End Job
• Toxic Colleagues
• Far away friends
• Away from home
• Single Status
• No Hobbies or Passion
• Wishful thinking

Step One.

Be bored. Be very bored. Not just with your dead end job but with life. Make sure you really have nothing else to do. You get up in the morning, have breakfast alone, grab a coffee in the subway and arrive just in time for work. Turn on your computer and see more than one hundred emails waiting in your inbox. Answer the phone when your boss calls. Attend the meeting. Act as if you care. Participate in the grand plan of helping your boss get out of trouble. Assume that it's team work. Accept the lunch invitation of a colleague. Sit and try to enjoy the endless gossiping. Ask questions so they they won't notice that you don't really give a shit. Watch them as they seem to be so into it. Listen as they trash talk the boss then find them with the boss later as they both enjoy their cigarette break together. Accept an after work drinks invitation. Be aware as your boss try to dig in dirty shit out of you. Stay sober. Watch boss dish their own dirty details with hope of you paying the same thing. Tomorrow will be another day of the routine of dragging yourself from the bed. You just can't wait for payday.

Step Two.

Wear your sash for best supporting actress. Make sure to watch your friends as they take risks. They get married, get pregnant, go abroad or get promoted somewhere else. Make yourself available all the time for your friends. Listen to them whine about their husbands, their boyfriends, support them when they turn to play for the other team. Host dinner, invite everyone and play the role of the generous hostess. Hold a friend's hand when you both find out that their other half is cheating. Go with them when they decide to see a shrink. Let them cry in the privacy of your room. After all, you are the best friend. In the movie you are the lead's sidekick. You tell them if you know the truth. Respect if they act all strong and powerful. Join them in the salon. Show up at the bar when they invite you for a drink. Pick up the call at 2 in the morning when they break down. Watch them patch things up, encourage forgiveness, believe in the power of love. Then watch them forget about you when things are going great. You'll be needed again til their next heartbreak. After all, the scriptwriter has written that you are supposed to be that kind of a friend.

Step Three.

Enjoy your alone time. Enjoy managing your finances while living alone. It would be so great to just lie around and play couch potato but it's laundry day. Feel nostalgic but be proud you're living on your own. Miss being taken care of, not just family but by someone. Feel tired being the superwoman. All the pretension in the workplace gets the best of you. Find out that you are too tired to take up a new hobby. You're too tired to actually get up from your ass and enroll in Photography. Or Design Class. Or Make Up school. Prefer to just sleep in because you are too tired to play sports. You no longer remember what you are passionate about. You've grown to be lazy and you blame it on your heavy workload and lack of reason to get up in the morning. Believe that you need to rest. Decide to be thankful that you are only taking care of yourself but realize that you want to take care of someone and want to be taken care of too. Then snap out of it. Hopefully.

Step Four.

Continue being available. In fact, be very available. Laugh at jokes. Entertain suitors. Go on dates, it’s a nice opportunity to play dress up; after all you just never know whom you might just meet. But the problem is, you know yourself too well that you don't go out to validate yourself. You only want to entertain the one you are really interested in. You're too transparent to even play polite. You wish that somehow you can be like the others, who are great at pretending or using other people for validation. After all, it really feels good to be adored, to be admired and you can just feel your head getting bigger when they compliment you about how witty you are and how they want to see you again. But instead you just play friends. Because honestly, you don't really know how to take compliments. You don't know if they are just pulling your leg, or if they just need someone to flirt with. You don't buy it because you've played the same bullshit game, and as they say, we are all afraid of our own ghosts.

Step Five.

Feel tired. Complain. Call in sick. Dial everyone's number and plan a reunion. Call a friend who have recently come out as gay, call a friend who was recently divorced, call a friend in midlife crisis, call a friend who just came back from abroad, call a friend who just gave birth, and call a friend who have recently gotten back together with their other half. Call everyone; after all, friends keep us sane. But unfortunately no one is available. The gay friend is enjoying the freedom and liberation of coming out. The recently divorced is battling child custody. The one in midlife crisis is looking for another job opportunity. The one from abroad wants to spend time with family, the friend who just gave birth is experiencing post-partum depression, and the friend who recently have gotten back together with the other half is diligently taking care of their relationship. They send their apologies. Feel hurt and disappointed. Talk one of them, and hide what you feel when they tell you that you just got too many free time on your hands. The finally acknowledge that you might just need to get your own life by having someone to be with.

Step Six.

Shop. Because nothing cures your sadness than retail therapy. Feel very happy when you score a really fantastic pair of shoes on sale. Enjoy as you happily swipe your card on the counter, feel the excitement as the saleslady hand over your fifth shopping bag. Go to a fancy restaurant. Order for one. Enjoy a sip of your favorite wine as you consciously watch people come in pairs or by family. Look around and see that you are seated in the middle of the room, alone.

Step Seven.

Allow yourself to be found. Relate to Katy Perry's Teenage Dream song. Realize someone familiar and have known before. Be friendly, in fact, be extra friendly. Be interesting; be even more amazing. Do all the talking; show how passionate you are about life. Realize that this someone already feels something for you. Ignore current issues, let things and feelings get out of hand. Assume that this might be it and might be worth the risk. Feel yourself falling in love while losing your head at the same time after all, it has been a while. Allow yourself to feel like a princess, feel pampered, protected and loved. Do the same thing. Quit thinking too much and think that this might be the one that you need. Move heaven and earth for the sake of love. Agree on a temporary set up for there is an inevitable past. Believe in your special someone’s plan for your future together. Love doesn’t mind the difference in time zones or the cultural difference.  Do not mind to keep your relationship a secret. Fantasize your secret wedding. You’ll just surprise everyone one day. Believe that it’s about time that you should be happy and live your own life. Overlook what you have learned to consider small things. Do not mind doing all the work. Believe that it will not always be this way. Besides, you are happy and that’s all that matters.

Step Eight. 

Learn to realize but not immediately. Because your head wasn't hit hard enough. Try not to mind that keeping everything a secret is taking a toll on you. Slowly win your loved one’s family over. Always send your best regards though you haven’t met them yet. Get their numbers and remember their birthdays. Cross the bridge over and join their interest, even if it bores you. Prove that you are the best they’ve ever had. Be determined to be the apple of the eye of your future in-laws. Leave a mark. There may be a past but you will outshine it all with your promised future. Be very patient and forgiving. You cannot afford to quit for you know you are afraid to lose. So overlook things that you have learned to consider ‘small things’, such as never being properly introduced. Listen and believe when asked to be patient, when asked to keep the faith. Believe that you are really loved and that you are worth fighting for, maybe not now, but in the future. Ignore the first sign of you just being lead on; think that you are just being tested to be patient. After all, they say that love is patient and kind. Then, eventually, start to think. Clearly.

Step Nine.

Find out the truth, face the reality then decide. Find out that you cannot lose something you never really had, face the reality that you will never be together and decide just for how long are you willing to put up with it. You're tired of always complaining to no one but yourself. Realize that maybe it is time to shut the hell up and do something about it. Accept the fact that there really is no promising future for you. Realize that after all this time you were just kept on the sides like a spare tire.  Acknowledge the pain, though acceptance will not come in yet. Self-Apologize for being the worst manager of yourself then do something brave. Quit your job, your toxic friends and flee just how a thief would leave in the middle of the night. Remember how envious you are of others who can afford to take risks? This is the time to do yours. Quit being on the sidelines and playing the role of someone’s sidekick and personal cheerleader. Quit asking what might, could and should have been. Quit wondering and get up from the ground because you already hit the rock bottom and there’s no other choice than to move up. You will just realize one day that there is courage in quitting and whether you like it or not, you will heal.

Step Ten.

Breathe.  Maybe you need to breathe a different kind of fresh air. You have no idea what are you up to next, but somehow you feel very brave. Like you do not know where all this strength is coming from. You’re initially clueless about your faith but you are in desperate need of something to believe in. You are in pain; in fact it has become too painful that you’re no longer afraid to do things that scared you before. Feel invincible and from that moment on, start to realize that you have no other ally but yourself. That you are responsible for your own pain, that you did not lose anybody but yourself because you are supposed to be living not existing. You stop robbing yourself your own happiness. Decide that if pain is inevitable then hurt from the one that is worth it, not this. Never mind that you gave in to the first act of malicious kindness because you wanted an immediate fix for everyone seemed to be moving on but you. Your past unhappiness will no longer come back unless you continue living it. Realize that if not for this painful experience, you would still be complaining in that dead end job, asshole boss, and toxic colleagues still playing sidekick then feel stuck in a rat race. Maybe you just needed a hard core yank to shake you to the core and make you do things that you never thought you have the guts to do: Change and start all over again.

Then, on the first day of summer, go out for breakfast alone; enjoy a hot cup of coffee while smelling fresh croissants across the bakery. Look up because it’s a good day. Open the newspaper; notice the date on the upper right hand corner. Realize that it has already been a year and have not noticed that you have already moved on. Be thankful when you look back and see how much you’ve grown.