It has been officially a year of disbelief.

Pain, they say, can either make or break you. 

It has been officially a year of disbelief.

"One cannot or will not get over the death of his/her parent" I was told. "But eventually you will just learn to live without, but the experience, you will not get over it."

Sometimes I can't believe that it's been a year. It was not easy.

Certain things that we see on movies that isn't true about death. That after the burial starts the healing process. It is not that way. Just Uncle Dave said, "Sometimes the breakdown comes 8 months later."

Or just when you thought you have cried enough, a song, a situation, a scenario, a material thing will send you to tears. I have had uncontrollable tears in public. Shuttle, jeepneys, cars, train, bus, cinema, malls, coffee shops, name it.

I think we have dealt with our pain so individually, I'm the only one who writes about it in the family. Many little things that my father did were overlooked, I didn't think it was such big of a deal, until he was gone. If there were three words that I would like to say to my father today, other than  I love him, it is: You were right.

Pain, changes you. I think it realigned my values, taught me empathy and compassion. Sometimes I feel like I now have four legs instead of two. That's how close to earth I am.

It taught me that happiness and pain will pass, that everything balances itself out.

That every single day, I thank the Lord for giving me a chance to wake up. My father did the last time but he was throwing up, rushed to the hospital and never came home.

It taught me not to be shaken easily. Before, I was over thinking about things. But now, I have learned to choose my own battles. Carefully.

Pain have also taught me other things about the future. The first year have always been hard, they say. but it brings out new things that you will surprise you, yourself.

Pain brought me back my faith, I am closer to God than I was before. Don't get me wrong, I am not holier than thou, but all my planning, schedule, visions that I have for myself, pain have taught me that someone's Greater. My plans were merely suggestions. He is the ultimate Boss.

I can go on writing about pain today, but it would be far too long.  Instead, I would like to use this virtual space, to thank each and everyone for being with me and my family through this difficult year.