I was watching my favorite series, Friends, when I chanced upon the
episode where they all turn 30. One of my guy friends (and the last one in our group to) turn 30 last week and it got me thinking: 1) Shit, we're really are and supposed to be adults; 2) What lessons have we learned from graduation (assuming you graduated from college at 20 years old like me); and 3) Where did the time go?
They say your 20s are really exciting, I really believed and lived that. I was telling my 18 year old godson over the weekend not to rush about getting married and enjoy his life in his twenties before settling down to prevent the
shoulds-woulda-couldas and that could creep up in his midlife. Because by the time I was 26, twenties went a lot faster than I thought it would.
A little disclaimer here, I am no life pro, but according to my memory and personal stack of first hand experiences, here are the top 10 things worth enduring by the time I turned thirty.
1. Experience a bad, crappy or so-so job.
We've all been there. Having a job where we drag our ass to work and faithfully wait for payday then payday comes and you wait for another payday. It's a cycle and a never-ending routine until you actually realize that you can't take it anymore.
Why it's worth it?
Every bad job gives you an experience that you might (and most likely will) use in the future. You will know the feeling of loving your next job that leads closer to your dream job. (Because of course you won't switch careers just to be in the same crappy job). It is always better to invest in experiences.
2. Get fired or resign from a safe job.
When I was 20, the first time I splurged on shopping, I showed up at work later only to find out that on that actual day out account was pulled out and that we're all forced to put on furlough for a while and wait for an opening. And during my first year in Graduate School, my professor in one of my favorite subjects, shared that it takes a whole lot of guts to resign from a job and that is true.
Why it's worth it?
So that you will learn not to take your job for granted and save up first before you splurge so that you have an emergency fund. And also, you will experience breaking away from your comfort zone and discover more things about you. There's something very brave about leaving a job and choosing something for yourself and not being allowed to be held back.
3. Work for someone who doesn't like you (or you don't like).
I've worked with brilliant bosses and at the same time extremely challenging ones. When I was younger, my motto was: I cannot work for someone I don't respect. But as you mature, (naks!) you will learn that it is not always the case.
Why it's worth it?
Because whether you admit it or not, not only you will learn to be on your toes and not to be complacent, it will also hone your character. If you resign just to avoid these kind of people, trust me, you will meet the same kind in another person and in another place. They're like back subjects in college, you can't graduate until you actually passed them (hopefully with flying colors!)
4. Experience not having a plan or a back up plan.
When I was 19, I already have a Plan A to C. I was so optimistic and idealistic and I am so excited to experience my independence. Until I experienced Quarter-life crisis and experience having a rug pulled under my feet.
Why it's worth it?
So that you will know that not having a plan just yet is not so bad after all and as the time goes by you learn to figure it out and be fine not having the answers right away.
5. Fall dangerously in love then get your heart severely broken.
This is not those cutie-patootie
I-loved-him-from-a-far-but-he-doesn't-notice-me or
He's-found-someone, or
He's-getting-married-I-did-not-even-had-the-chance-to-tell-him-how-I-feel . I'm talking about being in an actual real relationship with the person to the point of
Okay-baby-I-am-willing-to-move-from-the-city-to-the-suburbs-just-for-you-and-change-my-life/religion/career-and-dont-care-If-I-get-disowned-as-long-as-we-are-together kind.
I will tell you exactly what this feels like. It feels like you are drunk, hung over, numb and light-headed the entire time you are together and nothing else really matters because as long as you're together you can endure anything. Only to find out it's not working out and you're not really mean to be.
Why it's worth it?
Because you will learn to love genuinely, and find out for yourself how much you can take and how far you can go. You will also learn to love yourself (cliche but true). You will also learn to be compassionate and respect for people who go through similar experiences as you. And you will have depth! There's really no exact measurement for this thing but it is generally painful, but when you experienced "Going-through-hell-and-back" there's nothing more empowering than going through the fire and brushing the dust/ashes off your shoulders.
6. Live alone.
One of the bravest things I did before I hit twenty five was to decide that I would like to live alone in a 1BR apartment. That meant I am paying three times my rent share from the old condo that I used to live with other flatmates. It came with independence and freedom to be able to declare that you own your life (and the freedom to walk around your living room with only your knickers on! Haha!)
Why it's worth it?
Because independence came with a price and that meant learning to juggle your bills from electricity, water, laundry, groceries, cab fare and credit card bills. You will learn to measure your household consumption, budget and really think about your purchases (Do I really want this shoes on sale or this can go and secure my water bill instead?) and assess the lifestyle you want to live.
7. Get in debt.
I wrote before about
my financial lessons, I did not actually get into a neck deep debt because my mom trained my sister and me about saving and spending within our means, but there was a time that I got excited with all my three credit cards that I used them (not to its limit though) and enjoyed the feeling to be able to afford and feel rich (feel
lang!). Until I did not like the feeling of having spent my good money in something so shallow and wondered where it went and only afford to eat bad food just to make ends meet.
Why it's worth it?
Because you will learn that your credit card bills are your responsibilities and there's no one left there to pay but you. I'm sure its a different lesson for everyone, but I am uncomfortable having something that is not fully paid. Even as little as a laptop purchase, I can breathe easier once I know I'm through with the payments, or I make sure to pay my monthly due first before I spend on another one. I did not like the feeling of walking around with my splurge hanging when I know they are not really paid yet. This will also teach you to be financially responsible and set your financial purchases and priorities straight, plus do you really want to be blacklisted by the bank? You never know you might need a good credit history in the future!
8. Lose some old friends to find out who your true friends are.
I keep my friends and love them to the moon and back so when I lose one it is very painful for me. I still hold friendships with people for more than 20 years. But a wise woman once told me that you will know who your true friends are before you reach 30, and by the time you're 40, you'll be surprised you will still be shedding some from that same list.
Why it's worth it?
Because it is better to be with the people you are sure of and will not drag you down. Sometimes friends just fall apart because they've grown very differently and it's not really both your fault but just how life is sometimes. Also, sometimes we lose friends because they're just too emotionally heavy (read: emotional vampires sucking the life out of you) and you don't want to put up with their crap anymore. Trust me, when you do it, there will be no hard feelings and also no looking back.
9. Break up with someone just for you not because you have someone new.
Because, admit it. After being coupled for an amount of time and finding out that it's really not working out and you know deep inside you that there's really no future for the both of you is shit scary. Sometimes we tend to stay for convenience, like you've already put up with this person for X number of years, sure you can put up with 50 something more. A family friend who went through annulment (after putting up with her horrifying husband) once told me, I will get my self out of this (really bad marriage) because who knows how many years I have left and there's no way I would spend my remaining years on Earth being miserable.
Why it's worth it?
It is worth it when you realize that you owe it to yourself and that you would rather be alone than be with someone you are not sure about or makes you feel alone. Better to have loved and lost than put up with someone who makes you miserable for the rest of your life. Plus the only person you can change in your relationship is you, you really don't have control over the other person. In the beginning you might think you have, but trust me, no amount of money, threat, bribe, guilt trip or emotional blackmail will change the person if he/she doesn't want to.
10. Travel Alone, or fly alone.
I've never really traveled alone but it's one of my fantasies that until now I still find myself thinking about it. The closest thing I've experienced actually if flying solo to Cebu and flying to Laoag alone facing turbulence when I am actually, kind of shit scared of flying. Cebu was a breeze but Laoag is scary.The closest I've been to travelling/experiencing alone time in an entirely different place was when I visited my then boyfriend (who was on field most of the time) so I get to roam the cities, coffee shops, markets by myself.
Why it's worth it?
It will raise and heighten your level or awareness. You will discover your hidden navigation and survival skills when you are not depending on anyone. You wouldn't even know you had it in you until you're actually there.
Again I'm no life pro and sometimes just thinking about these things makes me anxious about what else do I need to painfully learn. I'm sure there are some more that needs to be included in this list, so if you are comfortable enough to share, feel free to leave some of yours by leaving a comment below.