I am swimming in lemons so I bathed myself in lemonade.

Don’t worry if you don’t know what to say to me. I have been there.

I have sat side by side by a friend who was bawling, about to lose a loved one. I have sat beside a friend who was in the deepest challenge in their life. I cannot recall how many waiting areas I have sat beside a friend with: Hospital waiting areas, waiting for the doctors, delivery rooms, operating  room, pregnancy tests, etc. I have sat with friends who are in the deepest turmoil. I understand how hurting and painful it is, but to be honest I never really have the grasp of how painfully penetrating it is to be in their shoes.

Until now.

Last year, around Christmastime, I told a friend that I want to be a genuinely good person. I sort of envy at how much passion she has for helping others and I don’t know where it is coming from. I know it comes from within but I don’t know where exactly deep within. It was five days after my father succumbed into coma that she was able to tell me :

“Babe, maybe this is the start of what you wished for.”

This is after me telling her how many surprisingly and unexpectedly good people have showered us with support in the most trying times of our lives, and how whatever the outcome is, I will make sure to pay it back and forward (this deserves another entry that I have to write about it but I can’t for now because I don’t want to start crying and drench my keyboard with tears).

To tap a friends back and say “you can get through this” is a cliche. But it is a cliche because it is 99.9% true.  You never really know how strong you are until that is the only choice that you only have. I honestly do not know how I am able to breathe normally knowing that I am currently living what is probably the worst nightmare that I can think of, one of the greates fears that I have that I always leave blank when asked in a slam book. All I know is God’s got my back. Lately, the Daily Bread Book that my friend Pastor Don gave seemed like a Diary pre-written for me.  Since I know that God’s got my back, that’s all that matters to me so I can fullfill the duties as the eldest daughter.

Never mind the unsolicited comments, that amidst this turmoil, someone would say:

“uyyy..get married ha? It’s not nice to be alone...”.

My father is in coma for three weeks now and about to undergo tracheostomy so I don’t think contemplating about not having a love life is in queue and will fall in my urgent & important quadrant as of now. But thank you for your concern with my being single.

“You’re seriously losing weight!”

As my Kuya stew said, I might as well get something out of it. I would like to say it’s Zumba, but I have not been taking the classes for three weeks now. It only took me three weeks to lose what I would have wanted to lose from the time I started Zumba last year.

I cannot disclose any further how many ridiculously funny, unsolicited and out of this world comments that I’ve been getting. But to be honest, I’m not taking it personally. It is my light moment. These trying times and out of this world comments have been the light note of my days. These moments and scenarios have been remembered because whether you believe it or not, they keep me sane.  I am gaining so much wisdom from this painful experience that amidst all these, I am still thankful and thankful for these people. And I have this amazing faith that God’s got my back. I am at awe at His gift to me that I am often in the importantly right timing.

I am immersed in lemons so I bathed myself in lemonade. I am in trying times but I am still the same person, still with the funniest stories and hilarious moments. People say that it’s the sense of hearing that the person loses last, I think it’s my sense of humor. Sometimes I think my sense of humor is all that I have left...for now. I honestly do not know still where I am still getting this strength and optimism, but all I know is God’s got my back and that’s all that matters. For a control, organized and analysis freak that I am, for once, I have accepted that I do not need to understand everything. 

Crimp, Reuse and Save

If you know me, you'll know lately due to some serious matters in the family, I suddenly had to play captain and take over the boat.

And because I am crimping on cash and the organized freak that I am, I currently have two notebooks for expenses and errands list, on top of my personal organizer/diary, and again on top of the monthly calendar that I asked my sister to print so I can physically visualize the deadline and watch out for the days that I/we must crimp on.

Last week, I received this email from a colleague and what I like about this is it did strike home:

(I only borrowed selected photos from the forwarded email)

 
And my personal favorite:

Now this inspired me to come up with my own DIY-to-save ideas. I actually have some crazy crimping-on-cash ideas and rules that I am still embarrassed to blog about as of this time, but hey, maybe in due time I will be able to write about it. I'm only turning two weeks on the job, it's too soon to tell. :)

Project FEETrail [April 2012]: Flip Flops & Hospitals

It didn’t take long for me to decide what would be the shot of my personal project of capturing my footsteps each month. I do not have to wait for the month to be over for me to decide. The month of April was supposed to be a good start, but on the 3rd day and on a Holy Tuesday, I woke up very early in the morning having to rush my Dad to the hospital.

It is one of the scariest point in my life, something that I’ve been telling my friends about, that I do not want to be woken up by the voice of my mom telling me that I have to rush my Dad to the hospital. What is supposed to be 15 minutes of driving, I was able to make it in less than 7 minutes. For someone who can’t park for shit, I can finally say that I have driven the most important drive of my life: Rushing my Tatay to the hospital.

No, this post isn’t about the experience... yet.  We haven’t gone through the survival stage yet, but I was able to capture what my feet looked like for the past two weeks because it was such a roller coaster of emotions. To experience something that you’ve been scared of your whole life. I tweeted before, that with this memory that I have, I never really believed in forgive and forget until I reached this time that I am willing to forgive and even more than willing to forget.

Left: ICU Visitor's Area at LBDH; Right - Squatting at PGH's 2nd Floor CENICU Entrance

These two photos reminded me how I am feeling at the edge, cliff hanger, waiting for an improvement. To this day, my Dad is in the ICU for turning three weeks now, Glascow Coma Scale of 3 (which is the lowest) and he suffered a very bad stroke. For a writer, I am having difficulty trying to put it in words about how this pain feels. This is so painful that I cannot even wish this for my worst enemy.

I could be doubting my faith right now but on the contrary, I felt closer to God while walking along the streets trying to come up with resources, walking and feeling like a zombie. For someone who is obsessed about organizers and loves planning things, events, life, I had to throw everything up in the air and realize I am not the boss. For the first time in my life, I finally have the grasp of what it is like to let go and let God.

And the things that you hear from people who's been through this similar phase is true. I am treasuring this experience because not only I am gaining so much wisdom and realization, just as what my friend Joy's older sister, Ate Mia said, this is empowering as well. I know that I will understand everything in the future because, they say life is meant to be understood backwards. I just wish it isn't this painful. But I am here now.

I hated hospitals but I lived there for a week, waking up at 4 in the morning during sunrise, looking through the window of ICU hoping to learn new improvement for the day. I sleep at 12 midnight hoping to catch a glimpse of improvement, that he may finally respond to pain, but none. For someone who loves the feeling of fresh, crisp bedsheet, it didn’t take me long to finally adopt to sleeping on waiting chairs, camping outside the ICU room and lacking some decent sleep. For someone who had to make peace with her hair everyday, it didn’t take long for me to roughen things up and  put it in a lousy pony tail. For someone who is seeing a dermatologist, it didn’t take long for me to quit whatever beauty regimen I have and deal with an oily face.  I’ve been sleeping with oily skin and stressed out face and I just don't care.

I just want to be awake when Tatay finally wakes up. 

Elbi's hub for Artists & Photographers: Gallery F Studio Cafe

Just when I thought I have seen pretty much of elbi since I came home last 2010, a new establishment comes up!

I've seen this shop at the back of the ground floor of Atrium Center (in front of the new Los Baños mall currently being constructed ) being constructed last month. My friend, who is so into discovering new places and private spaces to hang out in elbi after migrating from Baguio (famous for being The Artist Haven), wanted to check the place out but during that time it's still under construction.

So when my cousin by one weekend, we decided to check out this new place and see what's in store:

I'm a big fan of little nooks and private spaces so when I saw this couch on the corner, my first thought was " Dibs!"

It ain't called a GALLERY for nothing. I love how their walls are decorated with frame photos from their photo shoots. 

PLUS They have a STUDIO! 

What the "F"? and Why "F"?

Derived from a photography term and camera setting, Wikipedia provides the definition: 

In optics, the f-number (sometimes called focal ratio, f-ratio, f-stop, or relative aperture^[1]) of an optical system expresses the diameter of the entrance pupil in terms of the focal length of the lens; in simpler terms, the f-number is the focal length divided by the "effective" aperture diameter. It is a dimensionless number that is a quantitative measure of lens speed, an important concept inphotography. 

And since the studio's owners are majority (if not everyone) are photographers, Gallery F was first conceptualized as a Studio since there hardly any fun-concept studios (like those in Bonifacio High Street in Taguig) around Los Baños and the cafe came next so that the clients can have a place to hang out and wait while they get their photos done. It turned out that the cafe was a hit so it turned out to be 2 major services: Photography and Cafe. Gallery F wanted to see their clients bond and they want to be the place where artists, students, photographers and others can meet and collaborate. 

They also have old school camera accessories on display.

I like how their menu is presented in photo graphs with cool write ups. The menu houses not only the food but other services as well (usually photography stuff)

The concept of "F" it Forward
Instead of the traditional gift certificates, you can buy your friend a drink, ask them to claim it by looking for the card that's hanging on this clip on tree (see bottom left part photo) and give it to the cashier. It comes with codes so it's being tracked down.

The counter and their lovely rest room

Gallery F's Menu: (By the way, they serve organic Coffee! )

We tried the Flicker Snicker (Php55/pc) and the Fervently velvet cake (Php90/pc). I'd say not bad! I might be biased for the chocolate part because I am a huge fan of chocolates but the velvet cake's not bad either. 


Lil bit of trivia: All their cakes are cleverly titled with words starting with F! 

Image Source

Image Source

Ms. Angie Metin, one of the owners of the cafe, informed us that they will be offering pasta dishes, nachos and sandwiches after holy week (April 2-8, 2012).

Click HERE to watch the video

Meet Gallery F's Fun Owners:

Photo courtesy of Ms. Angie Metin

Other updates an d info:

1. You can rent the whole place exclusively (for private parties, like showers, intimate celebrations etc., private theme parties, etc.)

2. There will be an up coming kiddie workshop:

3. Purpose Driven Photographers Photography workshop will also be held at Gallery F (Check their contact information below for inquiries).

4. They'll be offering WIFI too!

Gallery F Studio Cafe Contact Information:
Mobile:
+639175343213
+639228869508
+639178521897 

Operating Hours:
Tue - Sun

12:00 pm-12:00 am

My apologies for some crappy shots but you can view more photos here.

Official Facebook page: http://www.facebook.com/galleryfstudiocafe/info

Never too old for amusement parks

I've been going to Enchated Kingdom since highschool with different sets of friends. Amusement parks in general is still very much appealing to the kid in me.

I have experience riding the Space Shuttle (the one with the loop) three times already and it still never fails to give me jitters pre-ride. 

I must be getting old because I started to get nervous getting on the Flying Fiesta (the one with swing seats) and the wheel of fate (Ferris wheel)

I love carnival games but I am not lucky when it comes to winning prizes.

I love how these amusement parks like to surprise the guests. You never know what you might just run into:

Video of the parade:


The I love E.K. Street Dance (plus LSS) from The Kea Channel on Vimeo.

View from the wheel of fate (Ferris Wheel):

Special thanks to my friend Jon Sanpedro for lending me the majority of the photos. I took such crappy shots from my point and shoot cam (because I was busy having too much fun despite the heat).

Why are we scared to confess?

"Forgive me father for I have sinned... my last confession was..."

And I dread those words in my thoughts so it never reached my mouth. I'm not really religious, but I like to call my self spiritual...at some point.

Last leap day, Feb 29 I went to church straight from my Zumba Class and for the prayed. I asked for forgiveness because Lord knows how many wrong things I’ve done and how many bad decisions I made that I’m not proud of.

Why are we scared to confess? 

Source

Because we are all scared to be judged.

What could be worse than a priest saying: You’re going to rot in hell, you will never be forgiven. It’s like having a doctor say, you only have a week to live.

It’s a good thing I have a classmate (who is a Polish priest but on student visa in the Philippines) who I randomly asked about forgiveness on our class’ last day of classes. I asked him if God really forgives no matter how big and how major my sins are.

He said yes. But I must really be “in condition” to receive forgiveness, because otherwise it will happen again. The test of condition to receive forgiveness lies on the sincerity of the person who is confessing and whether we believe it or not, they can tell.

I asked him if I can just go straight to God to confess? He said that the pupose of the priest is to be the intercessor, the prayer warrior,  to help you “get there”.

I also learned that certain cases/sins needs to be escalated to the Bishop, that only the Bishop can “endorse” for forgiveness. And the laws of order in granting differs from one country to another, and it differs also in location of the nearest church of the community to the other.

I asked him some other personal stuff and I felt comfortable because I was talking to him not as a priest but as a “classmate” who’s wearing jeans and with a book on one hand. It’s comforting to know that God’s got my back, have never forsaken me, no matter how bad I’ve been. 

One of these days I'm going to muster up my guts and go to that tiny booth and let it all out and do it the right way.