I am swimming in lemons so I bathed myself in lemonade.

Don’t worry if you don’t know what to say to me. I have been there.

I have sat side by side by a friend who was bawling, about to lose a loved one. I have sat beside a friend who was in the deepest challenge in their life. I cannot recall how many waiting areas I have sat beside a friend with: Hospital waiting areas, waiting for the doctors, delivery rooms, operating  room, pregnancy tests, etc. I have sat with friends who are in the deepest turmoil. I understand how hurting and painful it is, but to be honest I never really have the grasp of how painfully penetrating it is to be in their shoes.

Until now.

Last year, around Christmastime, I told a friend that I want to be a genuinely good person. I sort of envy at how much passion she has for helping others and I don’t know where it is coming from. I know it comes from within but I don’t know where exactly deep within. It was five days after my father succumbed into coma that she was able to tell me :

“Babe, maybe this is the start of what you wished for.”

This is after me telling her how many surprisingly and unexpectedly good people have showered us with support in the most trying times of our lives, and how whatever the outcome is, I will make sure to pay it back and forward (this deserves another entry that I have to write about it but I can’t for now because I don’t want to start crying and drench my keyboard with tears).

To tap a friends back and say “you can get through this” is a cliche. But it is a cliche because it is 99.9% true.  You never really know how strong you are until that is the only choice that you only have. I honestly do not know how I am able to breathe normally knowing that I am currently living what is probably the worst nightmare that I can think of, one of the greates fears that I have that I always leave blank when asked in a slam book. All I know is God’s got my back. Lately, the Daily Bread Book that my friend Pastor Don gave seemed like a Diary pre-written for me.  Since I know that God’s got my back, that’s all that matters to me so I can fullfill the duties as the eldest daughter.

Never mind the unsolicited comments, that amidst this turmoil, someone would say:

“uyyy..get married ha? It’s not nice to be alone...”.

My father is in coma for three weeks now and about to undergo tracheostomy so I don’t think contemplating about not having a love life is in queue and will fall in my urgent & important quadrant as of now. But thank you for your concern with my being single.

“You’re seriously losing weight!”

As my Kuya stew said, I might as well get something out of it. I would like to say it’s Zumba, but I have not been taking the classes for three weeks now. It only took me three weeks to lose what I would have wanted to lose from the time I started Zumba last year.

I cannot disclose any further how many ridiculously funny, unsolicited and out of this world comments that I’ve been getting. But to be honest, I’m not taking it personally. It is my light moment. These trying times and out of this world comments have been the light note of my days. These moments and scenarios have been remembered because whether you believe it or not, they keep me sane.  I am gaining so much wisdom from this painful experience that amidst all these, I am still thankful and thankful for these people. And I have this amazing faith that God’s got my back. I am at awe at His gift to me that I am often in the importantly right timing.

I am immersed in lemons so I bathed myself in lemonade. I am in trying times but I am still the same person, still with the funniest stories and hilarious moments. People say that it’s the sense of hearing that the person loses last, I think it’s my sense of humor. Sometimes I think my sense of humor is all that I have left...for now. I honestly do not know still where I am still getting this strength and optimism, but all I know is God’s got my back and that’s all that matters. For a control, organized and analysis freak that I am, for once, I have accepted that I do not need to understand everything.