Smoke gets in my...lips.

I realized that it has finally been a year since I decided to go cold turkey and quit smoking for good.

Not to promote smoking or anything, but I used to smoke a lot but never really reached the chain smoker type. I started with Winston Lights with filter, then my friends told me I'm just smoking air through paper. I moved to Marlboro lights then felt like Carrie Bradshaw. 

There was a time that I was offered a stick of cigarette, I declined. My guy friend teased me that a guy I like must have something to do in slowing down my smoking. But honestly, there wasn't any guy in the picture. I just didn't feel like it.

A year before I moved back to Los Banos, I had switched to Marlboro menthol. Then one day, I just realized I'm bored with smoking and just quit. No slowing down. Mom found out about my smoking before and staged up this huge melodrama about my lungs but that did not make me quit. Turned out that boredom is the only reason I managed to quit.

Then, for the next six weeks, I had hard, dry cough, as my withdrawal syndrome.

Do I miss it? I do.
But not enough to make me go back and start lighting up that stick again.

Smoking gives some calming effects that makes me actually think. Before quitting, I decided I wanted to get those e-cigarettes that you find in malls, I plan to get mine in hot pink, but then I just decided to go cold turkey.

Did I pick up a new habit in lieu of smoking? I didn't.
I know some people resort to eating candies, but I honestly did not pick up new habits in lieu of smoking.

What I just miss about smoking is it gives me time to think. There's something about inhaling and exhaling that  allows me to think and sort things out in my brain. I'm not promoting smoking, but I do miss having an outlet that stimulates my brain to think...further.

Am I encouraged to go back to smoking? No.
I have friends who are smokers that I regularly hang out with, but they do not encourage me to go back to the habit again. Was I asked if I wanted a stick? Yes, but it has been really easy to say no. I'm too old for peer pressure.

I've been tested, time and again, with different level and phases of stress in my personal and professional life. It was tempting to smoke, I miss it as a stress reliever, but still I did not pick up a stick. I just wish I have another method as stress reliever...other than cliches like exercise.

So yes, smoke gets near my lips, but stress is not enough to make me go back to the habit.

November Rain

Twas a good lazy Saturday night and I was just walking along the street after hanging out at a friend's house when suddenly, out of nowhere... I just had to sing this song.

How can I just let you walk away
Just let you leave without a trace
When I stand here taking
Every breath with you oohhhh
You're the only one
Who really knew me at all

Alone.
Out loud.
While walking.
And as if it can't get any more emo than that...

So take a look at me now
'Cause there's just an empty space
There's nothing left here to remind me
Just the memory of your face
So Take a look at me now
Cause there's just an empty space
But to wait for you is
All I can do
And that's what I've got to face.
Take a good look at me now
'Cause l'll still be standing (standing here)
And you coming back to me is against all odds
That's the chance I've got to take

I'm not really thinking of someone in particular, but last night I was going through some old things ( yes, like that Jennifer Love Hewitt song) I came across to something that reminded me of November Rain.

MIA

Yes.

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MIA - like Missing in Action.

I'm MIA in blogging for the past few days due to the ff:

• My twitter and blog account is under construction.
• I'm busy with my real life off cyber life.
• I'm so darn busy with all the papers and readings due.

I've got so much stuff going on off my cyber life so my cyber life is taking a backseat as of these past few weeks, but I still have some blog posts that will be published as scheduled.

So Imma see you guys in a few... weeks?

Deja vu

Means:
is a French phrase meaning "already seen", and it refers to the experience of feeling sure that one has witnessed or experienced a new situation previously.


And I feel like going through some sort of deja vu for the past three weekends. My mind is begging for hibernation, just one day, some place quiet with no connection to the real world because I really just want to be alone with my thoughts.


I gotta recharge.


Today I just got back from an Urban backpacking and have passed out while riding the bus after days of non-stop activities. I kinda missed just falling asleep without effort, dreamless and not bothered by pre-sleep last minute thoughts because when the mind is restless, well... hello insomnia.

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I am having some sort of deja vu, or shall I call it my emotional backslide?

I've been lost in my thoughts lately, bored perhaps, or whatever. Before, retail therapy is an instant pick-me-upper, but now, I don't even have the energy to shop. In fact, I have no energy for some other, well, stuff that I seriously feel like ditching the commitments I've made.

Maybe I'll just set a time limit for things... instead of ditching them. I am in no mood to put up a... whatever you might call it.

I'm fucking rambling again.

This is the problem with having an active mind. Sometimes, the thoughts are so loud, so many things flashing all at once like there's a commotion in my head that I no longer need to speak, because internally, there is something going on.

Oh well. It's been a while since I posted something quite personal, I'll post some review stuff in a few days.

Meanwhile... hello bed. Let me start a prayer by saying:

"Please please please, bring back my acquired selective memory loss..."