The Princess and the Queen

Once upon a time, I worked for the Queen as her Girl Friday.

I watched her manage her kingdom, from getting to know each of her farmers and employees, to their families, up to their children. I watched how she does the troubleshooting and rehabilitation of her kingdom's challenges.

The Queen's Princess was always involved too. At such young age, she was involved in the livelihood activities of the kingdom compared to any adult my age.

There were times when the farmer's children's needs had to come first, leaving the Princess alone with the Queen's lady-in-waiting. I have never seen the Princess throw a tantrum, while the rest of children her age were all whining.

One event, we all sat in a long banquet for supper. I watched the Queen get the Princess' plate and helped herself with servings of food. I saw her hand over the plate to the Princess, before getting food for the others.

Which made me recall that many times we were together, I saw how the Princess comes first in littlest things. Like in a conversation, when the young Princess had to interrupt and ask a question, strongly driven by curiosity. I never saw the Queen throw an irritated glance nor a stern look, no matter how busy we are in the middle of a certain royal duty. The Queen pauses for a few minutes to address her concern. I also watch how she takes time to educate and inform the Princess no matter how absurd, how complicated, and how difficult things to explain to a child.

Which amazes me because the Princess grew up to be selfless, understanding, never was a spoiled brat and so mature for her age that sometimes it silently puts myself to shame. At such a young age, not even two digits years old, I have more hang ups than her, to think I am older.

"You must be so lucky to have such parents who taught you the parenting skills you have, "I told the Queen once. Casually. The Queen was very much secure with herself that she likes getting asked straightforwardly. "I mean look at the Princess, you did more than a great job."I added.

" I only learned that through my own experience of finding out the core of problems in our kingdom, mostly its about proper education and communication " she said. "And I have established that as the Princess'mother, her needs had to come first when it comes to me so that in the future, she will know that all these things that I do for our people, is something that is not to be jealous of. She will never have to compete with others, because when it comes it to me, she is confident that she always comes first."

And through the years, I understood and watched how the Princess grew up to be the people's champion.

Something about today made me recall this story.

One day in 2011

Darling, remember that one day in 2011?

It started a year and a half before that. You said on a certain date, in 2011, you would ring me up and ask me to pack my bags.

We're going to go out of town. Way out of the city.

And you would buy these drinks, Tequila, your favorite.

I know something would be up, because you don't really drink.

Then we'd end up somewhere between the beach and the mountains.

Could be anywhere where you could watch people surf.

And I know something would be up but you would not tell.

Then, by around half past two in the afternoon, you would be keeping tabs on your watch.

Which you don't normally do when we are all together, because you know how to have your fun.

But that particular day in 2011, you would tell a lot of stories in the world, except one.

By six, when Tequila, as expected, betray you, you will be begin to talk.

That day will be one of those scenarios that you played many times in your head.

While driving, while taking a shower, while sitting in a coffee shop lost in a daze.

You have already blocked that whole month of the calendar.

You know you would dread it, but you got magic up on your sleeve.

Girlfriends on speed dial.

We all know.

And in your drunken state would hallucinate church bells ringing, saying it is officially over.

Game Over.

Now, that was five years ago, Darling. Ain't it funny?

That one scene you played a hundred times in your head never happened.

And what you thought you would be feeling by now never occurred.

And just when the skies cleared up, you don't want your story anymore.

Because you finally know why it was never meant to be in the first place.

Now you know.

The girl from the bar

She called in for a quiet almost late night coffee at a nearby 24/7 coffee shop. Told her I am pretty swamped up with work but I will definitely catch up.

It’s one of those few rare times that she calls, because usually she is out of town, out of the country, in meeting and most of the time with her coupled friends. She’s always missed.

I was already on my way, walking to the coffee shop with the green umbrella when I got a text from her to meet her at the nearby happenin’ bar.

It was Date Night.

I made my way through the crowd and loud noise..that familiar beat. In fact I can go straight to the dance floor and dance to the beat. Except that that music’s meant to stay in my iPod and I’ve retired from this scene more than a year ago.

Then, I saw her. There she was. The girl at the bar.

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I made my way through bouncers, people talking, flirting laughing, and my eyes kind of hurting from the red lights of the bar. I went over to her and she gave me a hug.

“I always like it dirty” she said, holding her glass to me. I know she’s referring to her Martini, but if I hadn’t known her since forever, I’d probably think she’s a first class whore.

“I’m not really dressed for this you know”. I told her, feeling my jeans and loafers. “ See this scarf? How much hello grandma can I get?!”

She laughed and dragged me on to the dance floor where she met her friends from the club and danced to some techno beat. I politely said that I will just stay at the bar while she dance her way into the middle of the dance floor.

She’s still that pretty, crazy friend that I’ve been missing for the past years. I was watching her from the bar and though I’ve only been at the bar for roughly around ten minutes, I could tell from a far that she’s had too many dirty martinis to drink.

I was watching her be the life of the party, while men surround her and I am at awe how, at this age, she still flirts like when we were still in our early twenties. At some point I kind of envied her early-twenties-confidence that somehow she maintained after all these years.

If this happened several years ago, I would probably go home with a dent on my self-esteem. Not because I am jealous or I want to steal her spotlight, it’s nothing like that. It’s some phase of us girls that, even though we are really good friends, we still tend to be extremely competitive of one another. No, it’s not just my personal assumption and insecurities talking. It has been studied by Susan Shapiro Barash and wrote the book Tripping the Prom Queen. Look it up.

Anyway, I am completely aware of the time and it has not been more than an hour that I have stayed there, but she came back accompanied by probably a new found friend saying she’s really had too much to drink.

I took the matter in my own hands.

“I’ll take you home.” And I did.

We hailed a cab and there she was, holding my hand talking and rambling about something funny and crazy. Mr. Cab Driver was looking at us from his rear view mirror. She’s laughing while I pretend to understand what she’s saying. Even when trashed, she looks really beautiful.

Then I caught on with what she’s saying:

“...you see, all I ever wanted was him to be man enough to love me...”

Then I recalled what I had seen on the dance floor earlier. When the DJ yelled “ All the single ladies in the house, say yeah...” She, plus probably more than half of the girls in the club yelled and wooed and the next thing I knew, she was up on the ledge and dove right into crowd and started crowd surfing. Only she can pull that off wearing that really nice dress and some fancy shoes. I don’t know how she does it, but only she can pull something like that.

Had it been several years back, I probably would’ve been quite jealous, because I’ve always seen and believed she was so cool.

We love each other since forever even though we’ve not been burning the phone lines til dawn, she knows that I got her back.

But tonight I thought we’d be able to talk about that things we don’t usually talk about. But I’m glad she was too trashed to go home because I know what it feels like to go home, alone and sober, wallowing inside an empty hole. I wanted to say that I couldn't understand how can someone this beautiful and seemingly fabulous could be so, so, sad. But I totally get it. 

We’re all looking for some sort of validation but tonight, I wouldn’t want to be like this girl I’ve taken home from the bar. Tonight, it really dawned on me that underneath this really pretty face and underneath the coolness, the flirting, and all the men showering her with flattery and attention lies a very broken heart that just wants to love and be loved in return.

Pandora's Box

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I'd like to keep on reminiscing a conversation that I had back then with my best friend:

Me: I love him, I want him, I wish I could really have him...

Bff: Would you rather be in her place?

*Thinks really hard...*

Me: Hell, No.

There is a price to pay for knowing too much.

Baby I can't afford you

I don't have zip fly.

So does that mean you're wearing button-fly jeans.

Yeah, I have like five pairs of them.

So are you telling me you like wearing Levi's?

Because they are comfortable.

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How do you help out? Do you lift stuff and all?

No I don't do the manual labor. I help in the paper works.

How about shoes? You mentioned to me about it...

I have always been a designer shoes kind of guy, because it's so comfortable.

I see...

Listen, Baby, while this is all nice and all...
I cannot send you to medical school...
I cannot make you drive an SUV because I don't have one...
I cannot make you travel because I don't have that luxury...
I cannot buy you another DSLR because I don't have the spare money...
I cannot make you sleep in an air conditioned room, because I only have a fan...
I cannot pay your hospitalization, you tend to get sick a lot...
So Imma have to let you go...

You think I am materialistic?

Everything that I have was just given to me.

I did not ask for it. I did not demand it.

The property's not mine, it's not even under my name.

My clothes were just given to me.

Everything that I have was just given.

I am not what you think I am.

Everything that I have doesn't matter as long as I have you.

As long as we're together.

Sorry I do not own a blackberry nor an iPhone

Who cares? My phone is just basic

But if you're with me we will be just living in some small apartment

So be it.
No for real. It's just a two bed room kind and small.
I don't care. I lived in an island for a month.

I do not like to live with the in laws or my parents.

I agree and I like that.

We don't have a car yet, we will have to commute.

I don't care, even if we walk.
I don't have a cook. I can only fry.
That's not a problem. I'll do all the cooking.
I am crazy, bitchy, moody. I tend to not to talk and just go to my room and read.
Read all you want. It's not a problem.
Sometimes I don't feel like talking. I'm not mad or anything I just don't want to talk.
It's alright. As long as you're within my eyesight.
I don't want to go to bed arguing about money.
Couldn't agree with you more.
 I don't like people touching my things.
Then I won't touch it.

What if in the future, we won't have a child?

Then we'll adopt.
I want you to think about this really hard. You will be giving up a comfortable lifestyle.
I know that. We both came from hardship. We grew up together. I don't mind.

I have thought about this , I've thought this through

I don't really care about all these things

Because can't you see?

Can't you understand?

None of these things matters to me

As long as I am with you

As long as WE ARE TOGETHER.

That's all that matters to me.

If that's the case...

Then what the hell are you still doing in that place?

*Silence*

There, I thought so too.

Listen, Baby, I don't think I can afford you...