My well-lived grandma

Today, at 4:56 p.m. My one and last standing grandmother passed away at 89 years old.

I honestly do not know what to write. I know people will say "I'm so sorry for your loss". I have not learned to deal with this feeling of death in our immediate family.

Last month I almost cried when she can hardly recognize me. She actually forgot who I was, and few days later I came back. I just have to know that she remembers me and she knows who I am.

I know how some of our cousins have been taking turns taking care of grandma, I was not able to go there and visit her, not even on Mother's day. There's an inexplicable feeling of guilt but not regret because I have always been telling her how much I love her.

I miss going directly to her room so that I can lie beside her while we're watching TV. It's a good thing that two of our closest relatives who lives abroad was able to take care and stay with grandma for a month before she died. I'm just sad for both of my cousins who live in UK who were not able to see grandma for the last time.

It's a good thing that I get to spend one last normal Christmas with her because for the past six years, I've been nothing but a zombie during Christmas celebration because I worked on a night shift for the past years.

I can't believe I no longer have any grandparent. At this age, I think I know what the repercussions are within the family, especially grandma leaving eight children behind.

Still, thank you Lord for Grandma's 89 years.

Grandma, you will be missed. I will always remember you.